this is embarrassing...ly late

I guess when you spend all day in the presence of kids, you become a master of sorts... of kids, that is. In fact, I literally can't think of anything else that I'm "good at" in this moment because all that pops in my head is: I know how to survive eight hours a day with dozens of small children.

Five simple rules for survival: 

1. You should have plenty of sleep, a good breakfast, and typically some sort of caffeinated beverage to make it through each... morning. Oh, and also, you should always avoid being hungover. This is literally the worst job for that. Imagine thirty kids shouting your name over and over until you finally answer, and then imagine it after a night out, and/or a screeching headache. (Only attempted this once this year, after the Superbowl. Awful, awful, awful.)

2. Sometimes the kids will say ridiculous things, and you might not always know how to respond, but usually, the best response is a smile or a laugh. They really like seeing their teachers laugh; it makes them feel powerful or something. Sometimes, there's just no other way...

3. Every child loves making homemade cards to show you they love you. Every teacher, or almost every teacher, loves getting cards, too. Be aware that typically your worst-behaved student will be your serial card-maker. It's always the way. Always be sure to display these cards for the entire class to see, as much as you wish they weren't so messy. Unless that card looks like this:

(And when your cupcake card looks like this, revert to #2 and laugh. Loudly. Can you believe this is real life?)

4. If you bring in treats for your students, they will immediately behave and listen to you. Otherwise, it's really hit or miss. Their behavior usually correlates with the weather, the subject matter they're learning,  or the time of year. To be honest, they're very much like adults, those little guys.

5. You might be exhausted at the end of the day, slapping your cheeks on the drive home to avoid falling asleep. You will definitely have the hardest time getting your brain to stop from spinning in circles, ever. You might want to scream and shout and let it all out at one point or another. This is reality. But then, in the middle of all that, they will do something sweet and suddenly it all goes away. Sometimes. Wait for these moments... they're the key to survival.

Because even if I can hardly stay awake behind this computer screen, at least I've got that.